Aimée Lutkin

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself and your work. 

I am a writer based in New York, where I was born and raised. I started my writing career as a blogger, working first for Jezebel and then going on to write for numerous publications. My first book, The Lonely Hunter: How Our Search For Love Is Broken, was published by Dial Press in 2022.
 

2. Has writing always been a focus for you or was it a Plan B?
I don’t see a career as a replacement for parenthood, especially a creative career. I think the majority of people have a creative aspect to themselves that they either have the space and encouragement to explore or not. If I were a mother, there would be a lot less time for myself and my writing and the topic of my book, societal loneliness, might not be something I considered in the same way. But I wanted to be a writer from a very young age and didn’t think of it as something I had to sacrifice being a parent to do. I’m just not a parent.
 

3. How do you explore ideas or find inspiration for your work?

Conversations with friends and other writers, as well as reading other people’s work. I see books as part of a much slower conversation than many of us are used to having with the internet and social media constantly churning out discourse. Though I often get ideas from those things, too. It’s always a balance of allowing your own ideas to mature and be worth sharing against the immediacy of response demanded by the media landscape.
 

4. What does the process of writing involve for you?
A lot of procrastination and then a desperate dash to finish.
 

5. And what does writing then also give you in return?

When I write something I think is worth sharing, I feel fantastic, even if I read it later and think it sucks. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and like I can be seen and understood through the words I’m sharing in a way I rarely experience day-to-day.
 

6. Has seeing your work in print changed how you view yourself, and also how you view your NoMo status?

I definitely think that success is measured differently for women without children and many of the milestones we’re taught to expect in traditional family life aren’t available to us. That can feel very alienating. So having some success as a writer has offered me moments of celebration and external validation I might have gotten in other ways as a parent, and I appreciate that. But I also think a mother working as a writer would feel differently about publishing a book than having a baby shower. They’re different aspects of being a person. I hope that women, whether they’re mothers or not, can be celebrated in their entirety.

7. Tell us about the wider reception that you’ve had to sharing your story - has it changed how others have viewed you and your identity as a non-parent?
My book is a non-fiction exploration of loneliness as a larger subject affecting many different demographics and my own personal story of loneliness and feeling separated from ‘normal’ adulthood by my single status. I think that people who know me who have read it probably see me differently, and that can feel vulnerable. But when I hear from strangers who related to the book and felt supported and seen by it, that’s very special. It is gratifying to me, but also not really about me. It shows how many people are struggling with the same things.
 

8. How do you feel about the current representation of childless and/or childfree people in literature?

I don’t really have an opinion. I like to see people’s stories as part of a whole and not focused on only one aspect of who they are, and that pertains to most identities. It’s just more interesting.
 

9. What would you like the publishing world to know about non-parents, both as writers and readers, and our stories? 

The publishing world recognizes their markets very well, probably with a lot more precision than a writer can. It’s their business. I’m sure many editors and agents know there’s a market for stories about people on different paths. But we live in a culture that largely still valorizes the nuclear family unit as it intertwines with capitalism, so as readers, it will likely seem as though they’re not catering to anyone outside of that conservative structure. Not being a parent is, in a way, almost too broad a category. There are so many people who are not parents from so many different walks of life and for different reasons. It can be a basis for connection - I know I appreciate my friends who don’t have kids. However, that doesn’t mean we have everything in common. Finding books that speak to this issue for you personally might be different for the childless person down the street. I guess I’d say diversity in material and authorship is key to seeing these stories along with supporting them in the publicity stage so they can find their audience.
 

10. What future plans do you have, especially for your writing?
I am working on a second non-fiction work that continues some of the themes of my first book in regards to living a non-traditional life and exploring what else is out there besides marriage and kids. I’m also working on a work of fiction that I think is pretty fun. If anyone is interested in my casual for fun writing, I have a free Substack about trying to do 39 new things. I started working on it as a source of inspiration when it comes to finding new experiences in the world as I turned 40.