Kate Kaufmann

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself and your work.
I’m an American writer who advocates for better understanding of the childless / childfree demographic. I got my first inkling how different life as a non-mom can be after my former husband and I abandoned infertility treatments, quit our corporate jobs, and moved to a rural community to raise sheep. Everyone in the country seemed to have kids. So I began an earnest search for non-parents like me and slowly developed my identity as a non-mom in a culture high on family. Since 2012, I’ve talked intimately with hundreds of North American women who don’t have children, ranging in age from twenty-four to ninety-one.

These conversations not only changed my life, but I realized how much we all have in common. Although our paths may differ, not having kids impacts how our lives unfold in so many ways - from how we relate with friends and family to what we leave behind as our legacies. I wanted to know more, and so did many of those non-parents I encountered.

My quest for knowledge and identity resulted in the release of my book Do You Have Kids? Life When the Answer is No. It weaves together stories of women I interviewed with my own story and a growing body of research findings about going through life as a non-parent. It provides a savvy and validating guide to what might be in store for growing numbers of childfree and childless adults worldwide. Our stories bring to light alternate routes to lives of meaning, connection, and joy. I’m delighted that my book has now been published in North America, the United Kingdom, Taiwan, Brazil, and Korea, with a Chinese edition forthcoming.

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My life mission is to open doors to frank, respectful conversations between the childless and childfree, as well as among parents, non-parents, and those whose futures are as yet unclear.

I’ve also had the privilege of speaking about the childfree and childless with organizations such as AARP, the National Organization for Women, Oregon Community Foundation, and several colleges, universities, and retirement communities. I have graduate degrees in creative writing and management and professional background in human resources, training, and consulting. Outlets where my work has been featured include NBC, CBC Radio, Psychology Today, and The Washington Post.

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2. Has writing always been a focus for you or was it a Plan B? 
My mom was adamant that my sisters and I learned to write well, and I’ve been a lifelong avid reader. I’d characterize my writing as the process by which I make sense of the world - whether writing in my personal journal (which I’ve done for 40 years), excerpting interviews with those who don’t have children, or publishing essays on my Psychology Today column, 'Unapparent'.

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3. How do you explore ideas or find inspiration for your work?

I regularly engage others in conversations about not having kids and what that means for how we live our lives. These contacts, as well as my never-ending pondering how our lives differ from those of parents, form the bedrock of my writing process and results.

4. What does the process of writing involve for you?
I’m a slow writer, laboring over my words as they flow to the page. Before the pandemic I wrote in a dedicated Writer’s Room at my local library. It was great immersing myself in a space with few distractions. I’ve become a big fan of the 'shitty first draft', which usually looks much better the
morning after. I love editing, and that’s where I discover the nuggets of what I really want to convey. Often I’m surprised with the twists my work takes.

5. And what does writing then also give you in return?
Researching and writing my book has offered me a wide range of alternative ways to craft my own life. I now have models of all ages, and they inspire me to consider options I’d never have found on my own. Today most of my friends are childless or childfree, and I encountered many of them through my writing.

I also like how writers think. Nothing is slapped on paper haphazardly, and it’s fun to be invited into how another person makes sense of their world.

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6. Has seeing your work in print changed how you view yourself, and also how you view your NoMo status?

I have grown so much as a result of my work. Taking my writing seriously enough to complete a book manuscript required me to shed layers of fear and self-protection, and the result is a much-deepened sense of agency and voice. I feel grounded and validated in ways that have eluded me for years.

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I present myself much more clearly than I used to and offer myself as an honest - some would say audacious - resource, speaker, and confidante.

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7. Tell us about the wider reception that you’ve had to sharing your story - has it changed how others have viewed you and your identity as a non-parent?

People are visibly relieved to have an opening to tell their own stories (if they’re non-parents) or to ask questions about what it’s like not having kids (if they have kids). I like to think I’m a trusted resource who can support non-parents from the sidelines, advocate for better understanding and acceptance of our existence, and help normalize our place in today’s world.

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8. How do you feel about the current representation of childless and/or childfree people in literature?

Like so many of us, I heave a sigh of relief when I read fiction that includes characters who likewise don’t have kids. Especially when stories conclude without that miracle baby. I especially appreciate having curated titles like The NoMo Book Club features, so my personal reading experiences can be more pertinent to my own life.

We need more work that includes and normalizes non-parental status. Everyone has a story to tell, and if we writers capture and share ours, whether fictionalized or as non-fiction, we’ll shift perspectives toward acceptance of everyone’s circumstances, choices, and ways of being whole adults.

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9. What would you like the publishing world to know about non-parents, both as writers and readers, and our stories?

Quit focusing on origin stories of why we don’t have kids and instead dive into the richness and variety contained in lives that focus on content other than one’s offspring. Non-parents have always been present in our communities, at work, at home. We’re just not well understood or accepted as being perfectly normal adults.

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10. What future plans do you have, especially for your writing?
I will write until the day I die, I’m quite sure. Lately I’m giving myself more latitude to write when I feel moved to do so, rather than when I feel like I must due to outside pressure. I don’t feel compelled to generate ever more content with my name on it. I don’t seek fame. As for fortune, one certainly doesn’t make much money through writing.

I do love the legitimacy being a published author provides and hope to see more and more work from non-parents of all ages. Everyone deserves to tell their stories, and the world most certainly needs to hear them!