Jessica Hepburn

Questions

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself and your work.
I describe myself as an author, arts producer and adventure activist. For most of my career I worked in the theatre – I ran the Lyric Theatre Hammersmith in London for a decade. But whilst doing that I also had a secret life – I was going through round after round of unsuccessful IVF. I started writing about it and my first book - The Pursuit of Motherhood – came out in 2014. I then left the Lyric and founded Fertility Fest – the world’s first arts festival dedicated to the science of making (and not making) babies. Alongside this I also started to take on massive physical and mental endurance challenges to raise awareness of the toll of fertility treatment. My second book – 21 Miles – was about swimming the English Channel to answer the question: does motherhood make you happy? And my third book – Save Me from the Waves – comes out in March 2024 and is about my journey to climb Everest fuelled by listening to every episode of my favourite radio programme – Desert Island Discs. I feel the activism part of my job has two parts now – I have used my adventures as activism in the field of fertility but I also feel I’m an activist for the power of adventure to change your life for the better when it doesn’t go to plan.

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2. Has writing always been a focus for you or was it a Plan B?
Before I started writing The Pursuit of Motherhood, I hadn’t written anything except business plans, fundraising applications and marketing copy. So it definitely evolved from realising my parenting plans might not go to plan! But what I realise now is I probably always wanted to be an artist (probably even more than an arts producer). I just needed to find my voice – and my fertility story was what helped me do that. It’s the area of my work that I now get most purpose and joy from. It feels like a blessing that my childless status has given me.

3. How do you explore ideas or find inspiration for your work?
For my first three books I’ve written narrative non-fiction and the inspiration comes from my own life and adventures – I now even think of my 11 rounds of unsuccessful IVF as an adventure. But I have also increasingly sought wisdom from other people to make sense of life’s big questions. In 21 Miles I met with 21 famous women – some mothers, some not. I asked them to meet and eat with me to help me get fat to swim the English Channel as well as explore whether I needed to find an alternative route to parenthood or whether I could have a fulfilling life without children. (NB If you want to be an official ‘Channel Swimmer’ you can’t wear a wetsuit so the only way to keep out the cold is human padding so it’s a licence to eat!). In Save Me from the Waves, the Desert Island Discs castaway guests accompanied me to the top of the world – from pop stars to prime minsters, Oscar winners to Olympic athletes. Their music and words guided and galvanised me. I particularly gained a lot from the many childless role models who have been on the show – from Cath Kidston to Gloria Steinem.

4. What does the process of writing involve for you?
I’m not a quick writer, I’m a slow writer and revise a lot. Probably too much. It’s taken me 10 years to write three books - I’ll never be a churner-outer. I write in the morning, my favourite time of day, and generally in or on my bed. In the afternoon whatever I’ve written always reads like shit so I don’t go anywhere near my writing in the afternoon. In the morning I write masterpieces! Hah! Not!

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5. And what does writing then also give you in return?
Writing is my happy place. Along with eating - I love food. And when I’m writing it’s probably the one time I stop thinking about it (food) as it’s one of the few activities in my life where I can reach a genuine state of flow – i.e. oblivious to time and space. I definitely don’t feel that when I’m swimming seas or climbing mountains! Sometimes when I know (think) I’ve written something really good I get a shiver of excitement, and I love those moments because they make me feel I am creating something of value for the world. I think one of the hard things about childlessness is that it can make you question your value. (But note - I never get those shivers if I read my writing in the afternoon!) 

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I also write to connect with readers. At first I’m writing just for me and my own pleasure – but ultimately I want to be read so am always thinking about that. Although I must say that releasing your book to the world is a very different, and sometimes very difficult part of the writing process for all sorts of reasons. But I always know it’s the journey I’m on and the destination I’m headed for. That’s because I want my words to connect with other human beings, for them to find solace and solidarity, and to encourage them to go on their own adventures in this wonderful world and crazy thing called life.

6. Has seeing your work in print changed how you view yourself, and also how you view your NoMo status?
‘Coming out’ about my infertility – which I did via my first book – changed my life. I went from telling no one and feeling huge shame and sadness, to telling the world. For a while I became the ‘poster girl’ for infertility and unsuccessful IVF which is not a life I wanted but it is the life I have. What it also made me realize is that the secret had been toxic – eating me from the inside out. As soon as I spoke my truth, the shame and sadness started to diminish. What I’ve realised is that my NoMo status is just part of who I am, it’s not all of me. For the World Childless Week ‘This is Me’ campaign I have written the slogan: ‘I am Childless. I am many other things as well. I am Me.' And seeing my work in print and knowing that it means something to people and sometimes really helps them, makes me feel very proud and happy.

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7. Tell us about the wider reception that you’ve had to sharing your story - has it changed how others have viewed you and your identity as a non-parent?
I have had nothing but positive support for my work – from family, friends, colleagues and strangers. Mothers and non-mothers. Women and men. You’d have to ask them how it’s changed their view of me, but what I can say is that sharing my story has helped my own relationships with everyone in the world.

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8. How do you feel about the current representation of childless and/or childfree people in literature?
It does amuse me - and sometimes annoy me – that childless and childfree women (and men) have often (and still!) represented in tropes and stereotypes– e.g. the insane ‘baby-snatching’ infertile or the ruthless ‘career woman’ (we never talk about ‘career men’). But at the same time, there is also plenty of amazing literature which is much more nuanced and there are so many creative role models for a life without children. From Jane Austen to Frida Kahlo, Helen Mirren to Dolly Parton.

9. What would you like the publishing world to know about non-parents, both as writers and readers, and our  stories?
I’d like them to know that sometimes our writing and reading is influenced by our personal story, and sometimes it absolutely isn’t. I am so much more than the status of my womb.

10. What future plans do you have, especially for your writing?
2024 is a big year for me because it marks the publication of my new book – Save Me from the Waves – which is the third in a trilogy of alternative adventure stories with my childlessness at its emotional heart. Like my other two books it’s narrative non-fiction – with me as the central narrator – and at the moment I think that it may be the last book I write in this form (at least the last for a very long time). I’m currently in the early stages of two new writing projects that look very different – one is more overtly self help in style (working title – Your Shit is Your Superpower) and the other is a novel – based around the life of my grandmother, the feminist poet Anna Wickham - who felt she couldn’t achieve the creative freedom and recognition she craved because of her status as a woman and mother. I think there are some really interesting parallels in our lives and I want the world to know more about her because she was by all accounts an extraordinary person. If you read my new book – you’ll meet her there.