Tansy Boggon

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself and your work.
I have written non-fiction, fiction and children’s books and regularly blog at Joyful Eating Nutrition. My writing explores our relationship with food and our bodies, focusing on self-acceptance and honouring our unique stories.

 

My latest novel, The Tears of a Woman, is a fictional story of a woman who navigates weight bias while unable to conceive. I drew on our own childlessness journey in writing the book, while continuing the weight acceptance story told in my first novel, The Weight of a Woman. 

 

My husband and I had a journey of trying to have children for eight years, five of which we tried intercountry adoption - a far more convoluted process than many realise.

 

After talking with others about our childlessness journey, I decided to share our experience through a fictional story. Although the novel is fictional, many incidents are based on our experiences.

2. Has writing always been a focus for you or was it a Plan B? 
I always wanted to write a book. It was something I dreamed of as a child and during my postgraduate studies while writing scientific papers and reports.

I do feel that our childlessness was a prompt to finally do it. I am not sure if life hadn’t taken this course, I would have written my blog or books.

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Writing is a way I express myself, and I only really started consistently writing after we stopped trying to have children. Or, more accurately, I began to take it more seriously, taking my work to publication, online and in print.

 

3. How do you explore ideas or find inspiration for your work?
Most of my writing and stories explore our relationship with food and our bodies. 

 

Ideas for my work often come to me when I am outdoors on a walk or bike ride. The ideas often arise in the silence when I can almost daydream.

I can visualise our relationship with food and our bodies from different angles and perspectives in that dream state. For example, with my children’s books, I imagine foods as characters with personalities and quests. In my fictional writing, I imagine how a woman in a body different from my own or with different life experiences may express herself or approach certain situations.

Through storytelling, I feel free to say things I may not say in real life.

 

4. What does the process of writing involve for you?
The full expression of my ideas only comes through when I begin writing. I have had many ideas, but they only take form when I take the time to sit down and write.

Writing is a layered process that first requires me to place words onto the page uninhibited and access my full creativity. So, firstly, it is about giving myself the time and space to write.

Opening my laptop first thing in the morning, before other distractions, is the best time for me to write. It improves my mood for the day if I write first thing, but also, I don’t get sidetracked by things that may seem more immediate.

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When working on a book, I try to write for a set amount of time each day, and when I return to it the following day, I re-read some of what I have written and continue from there. I may ferociously write anew, or at other times, I may edit or flesh out what I had written previously.

I don’t have any set rules about editing. So long as I am productively writing or progressing my work, I am doing what is needed to complete a story for publication.

5. And what does writing then also give you in return?
The process of writing is almost a form of self-care and personal growth. It allows me to articulate my thoughts, gain clarity and express myself. It brings me immense joy and puts a bounce in my step for the rest of the day. The confidence and joy I gain from writing is definitely in the process rather than the outcome - a published book.

 

I feel that my confidence is sapped by the publication process and sharing my work with the world while waiting to see how it is received. I know there is much joy in this aspect of publishing for some authors. However, for me, it does more to wither my creativity and create a space for self-doubt to creep in. I need to draw my attention inward to the writing process to keep writing.

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6. Has seeing your work in print changed how you view yourself, and also how you view your NoMo status?

My self-perception hasn’t changed through publication. However, my NoMo status was probably a catalyst for my committing to writing and seeing my work all the way to print. I don’t know if I would or wouldn’t have written and published books if I had children. Obviously, many women do both.

I think maybe there was, and still is, a part of me that wants to share something of myself with the world through writing. However, I have never seen writing as leaving a legacy. Instead, I see writing as a pursuit of fully expressing myself. Furthermore, I don’t believe motherhood is a guarantee of leaving a legacy.

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My journey has shown that we don’t control the outcome of our actions. Just as motherhood never eventuated for me, being a mother is not a guarantee of having adult children who love me, want to share time with me or of whom I can be proud.

Whether a mother or not, life is forever changing, and the outcome of our actions is unknown. That has been one of the biggest lessons my childlessness journey has taught me.

7. Tell us about the wider reception that you’ve had to sharing your story - has it changed how others have viewed you and your identity as a non-parent?
Sharing my story through blogs, podcasts and then through my novel, The Tears of a Woman, has given others some insight into what it is like to be childless not by choice - the emotions and decisions we face. Readers have reached out expressing the deep sadness they feel when reading my novel, but also that they can better understand and converse with those in their lives who may not have children for whatever reason.

There are so many assumptions about people without children that the more we can share our stories, the more compassion and understanding we will experience as childless people.

8. How do you feel about the current representation of childless and/or childfree people in literature?
I think that the stereotypical childless woman is often portrayed in books. She is either the wicked aunt or the self-centred and carefree childless woman who either has chosen not to have children or forgot, maybe realising her time is running out. Having children is narrated as the virtuous purpose of every ‘decent’ woman.

 

Furthermore, it is depicted that a person can only know true love or selflessly give to another through motherhood. “Are you a mother?” or “As a mother, you’ll understand,” says the parent whose child is terminally ill or has been kidnapped. As if only a mother or parent could know how heart-wrenching it would be to lose a child and the lengths a parent would go to save them.

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As a childless-not-by-choice woman, I know how heartbreaking it is not to have the children I always dreamt of. Whether childless by choice or not, we can grasp the emotions of losing, or the threat of losing, a child. We don’t need to be reminded of our childlessness to do so.

9. What would you like the publishing world to know about non-parents, both as writers and readers, and our stories?
Everybody has a unique perspective, contributing to our collective understanding of the human psyche. I think that is the power of storytelling. We can experience life from someone's viewpoint and expand our compassion and shared humanity.

I also believe this is why I am drawn to write. So that others may know what it is like to experience childlessness, but also so that I can put myself in someone else's shoes and explore how they may think and experience the world.

 

10. What future plans do you have, especially for your writing?
I have struggled with releasing my books into the world and the promotional activities that publication entails. It has taken my attention away from what I love, writing, but also causes me to search for the validation to keep writing. However, looking for external permission or encouragement to write does more to keep me from writing.

I intend to focus on the process of writing and to keep writing whether my work sees the light of day or not. I hope my work touches hearts, but first and foremost, I intend for it to touch my own.

 

I want to keep writing to contemplate concepts that interest me, such as body acceptance and present moment awareness, and explore different ways to share stories and insights about being a childless woman.