Sue Fagalde Lick

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself and your work.
I spent many years as a newspaper reporter and editor in California’s Bay Area before moving to the Oregon coast. In addition to articles and essays, I have always written poetry and fiction. My first published books were based on my Portuguese-American heritage. My childlessness became a huge factor in my life as I entered my 40s. I knew I needed to write about it. I started my Childless by Marriage blog in 2007 and published the book by the same name in 2012, following that with a compilation of blog posts titled Love or Children: When You Can’t Have Both in 2020. I have since written three novels, Up Beaver Creek, Seal Rock Sound and the forthcoming Between the Bridges featuring a childless widow in her 40s named PD. I continue to write non-fiction and poetry as well.

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2. Has writing always been a focus for you or was it a Plan B?
I always intended to be a writer as well as a musician. I was already doing those things long before it became clear I would not be a mother. I figured, perhaps foolishly, that I could write and parent at the same time. I believe not having children freed me to accomplish more than I might have otherwise, but writing was always Plan A, with music close behind. I sing and play piano, guitar and mandolin, and I have been a Catholic music minister for many years.

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3. How do you explore ideas or find inspiration for your work?
Ideas are everywhere. A word or a phrase, an experience, a question, a person - it’s all fodder for writing. My novel Up Beaver Creek started with a “what if”. What if the tsunami people are always talking about here on the Oregon coast happened and what if there was this woman who wanted to be a musician?

4. What does the process of writing involve for you?
It involves putting words on paper, a computer screen or a voice recorder, and following one thought after another to see where it goes. Once I have something tangible, then I go back and shape it into something I might be able to publish. Sometimes it stays in my journal, but sometimes it becomes something special. I try to hold weekday mornings sacred for writing and report to my desk as if it were my job.

5. And what does writing then also give you in return?
Writing is my therapy, my way of documenting what I see and experience, my work and my legacy. It gives me great satisfaction, and if other people get something out of it, that’s the best. I’m not expecting fame and fortune. I just want people to read what I write. Just a few days ago, a woman wrote to me thanking me for my posts about being a childless stepmother. She was having a hard time with her stepchildren and was grateful to find someone who had experienced the same thing. I am so glad I could help.

6. Has seeing your work in print changed how you view yourself, and also how you view your NoMo status?
I have been in print so long, starting with early poems and newspaper articles, that I think I have always viewed myself as a writer. Of course, there’s a big difference between writing what the city council discussed at its meeting and sharing private information about my marriage and my life. I have never really been able to make my family understand my NoMo status, but by writing I am able to share how it happens and what it’s like. I have also become part of a community of women and men experiencing the same thing. I have come to feel like something of an advocate for childless people through my writing.

7. Tell us about the wider reception that you’ve had to sharing your story - has it changed how others have viewed you and your identity as a non-parent?
The family still doesn’t get it, but many others seem to. Sometimes it backfires, like when someone misunderstands and says something like “Oh, we can’t talk about children because Sue’s here and she doesn’t have any.” No! Talk away. I’m okay with it. And don’t keep your children away from me; I like kids.

8. How do you feel about the current representation of childless and/or childfree people in literature?
I think we see more and more young people in real life without children, and that should filter into our literature. It’s not the same Doris Day world I grew up in where couples meet, marry, buy a house and have children. If they can’t, they adopt. As if it were easy. Today’s young couples delay parenting or decide not to do it at all because they’re so busy with their careers and social lives. We need to see more people in literature dealing with this situation, including couples who disagree on whether or not to have children or who sacrifice parenthood because they love someone who is infertile. Everyone does not have kids, nor is every childless woman crazy or obsessed with her career. The men are not all womanizing bachelors. I’m glad to add some mature childless characters to the mix. On the other hand, I’m afraid if I write about parents I’ll disappoint my childless community. I’d like to represent the full
spectrum of people’s lives.

9. What would you like the publishing world to know about non-parents, both as writers and readers, and our  stories?
There are a lot of us - one in five women moving toward one in four - and we read. We’re a big market. We want to see ourselves represented. As writers, we should feel free and welcome to tell our stories, whether we are childless by choice, by infertility, by relationship or by lack of relationship. We are not crazy or selfish, and we don’t hate children. In fact, we’re like everyone else except we don’t have kids.

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10. What future plans do you have, especially for your writing?
To my amazement, I have four books coming out in 2024: two books of poetry, another PD novel, and a memoir called No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s. I am going to be very busy promoting those books. I look forward to lots of talks and readings. But I will continue writing poems and essays. I’m toying with another PD novel, and I have already started working on a non-fiction book about older women living alone. I will also keep playing music at my church and wherever I can. I plan to do some traveling in the US and hope to adopt another dog. My long-time companion Annie died a few months ago, and I’m a dog mom at heart.