Lisette Schuitemaker

1. Please tell us a bit about yourself and your work
I am Dutch and I live in Amsterdam with my partner who knew from a young age that he didn’t want children. For me, it was a slow dawning that I could avoid the fate of having a family that whilst growing up seemed inescapable to me. My mother found her joy in having children and assumed that her eldest daughter would do so, too. She never understood that, even if I had no clue what people in offices did, her life seemed so much less interesting to me than that of my father who came and went and travelled.

After breaking my engagement at age 25, consecutive decisions led me further away from marriage and family life. I started my own business instead, a communications company that I sold when I no longer could work for big business. From then on, I have been involved in raising consciousness of our interconnectedness and interbeing, of investing in start-ups for a regenerative economy and serving on boards of initiatives that capture my heart.

In the early ‘00s, I obtained a Bsc in Healing Science at the Brennan School in the USA. I ran a private practice for a few years, until I realized that my reach would be immeasurably wider if I wrote books on what I had learned and am still learning.

2. Has writing always been a focus for you or was it a Plan B?
Words are one of my great loves. I wanted to write a novel when I was ten and realized I didn’t have enough life experience. After studying Latin and Greek at university, my first job was being editor of the in-house magazines of a large bank. I loved my job, and loved making clear to the men at the top how important communication was. When I left and started my own company, the bank became our biggest client.
 

After selling my business, I worked for other magazines in the field of sustainability. At the healing school, I was taught the theory of early psychiatrist Wilhelm Reich. Now this was a roadmap I would have liked to have had earlier in my life and I would love for all of us to have. That sparked me into writing my first book of five now published in Dutch; three of which have been published in English, with The Eldest Daughter Effect also having been published in Korean, and The Childhood Conclusions Fix also in German and Italian.
 

3. How do you explore ideas or find inspiration for your work?
Books have different ways of finding me. For two, a title popped up in my head. This was the case for the Dutch version of what in English became Childless Living which is the title the publishers and I settled on but that has never resonated with me as much as the Dutch Gelukkig Zonder Kinderen which would translate to something like ‘Children, no. Happy, yes.’ A much more appealing title, I think. For my second book, the title came when on a bus in London when it said ‘Alight for the museums’ and my mind transformed this into ‘Alight the train of your thoughts and know you are a light already.’

I am now working on my sixth book for which, returning to my childhood vision, I have tried my hand at fiction. But, oh my, that entails so much more than writing non-fiction and whilst I now have the experience, I don’t have the fantasy or the patience to work out characters and live with them or have them live through me. So I am back to non-fiction on the intriguing topic of money.

4. What does the process of writing involve for you?
Sitting, sitting and more sitting is what comes to mind first. Sitting reading books on the topic, then sitting with people for interviews and conversations. Finally, sitting down to write, ponder, erase, write more, get into the flow, edit, go back to my research, and write, get up for tea, and write some more.

5. And what does writing then also give you in return?
For Childless Living, I had the most intimate and interesting conversations with women and men around the globe. It was such a privilege to hear their stories of family dynamics, coming to terms with either not wanting or somehow not managing to have children. We sat in the pain and the joy together, and that has actually been the case, too, for The Eldest Daughter Effect which is my third book. Writing Childless Living has also given me a perspective on how the ideas on marriage, partnership, relationships and family have changed during my lifetime. And it has made me proud of following my life and not leading someone else’s.

6. Has seeing your work in print changed how you view yourself, and also how you view your NoMo status?
I am still somewhat amazed when people confer a measure of authority on me, because I am an author. With five books in five languages, I have gotten used to the idea and turning 70 has helped me realize that I have wisdom to share. Having been invited on a podcast ‘The Year of Being 70’ is actually more intimidating than seeing my books in print, as this goes on the net and it is me speaking without time to edit or ponder or erase and start anew. Having said that, I love when I come to someone’s house and see one of my books on their shelves. Or spotting one in a bookstore, of course.
 

As for my NoMo status, Childless Living came out when I was in my 60s so it was clear I wasn’t going to have children or grandchildren. The Dutch title, which could also translate to ‘Happy without children’, does, I notice, lift my heart. Although I can see the joy my brother and sister derive from their first grandchildren, I am indeed happy that I followed my own path.

7. Tell us about the wider reception that you’ve had to sharing your story – has it changed how others have viewed you and your identity as a non-parent?
I love how each of my books has a life that draws people and events to me. Over the years, I have had many conversations with, especially, young women who were coming to terms with not taking the parenting path. I am an active aunt to the eight children of my brother and sister, and they refer friends to me and ask me if I can have an aunty conversation with them. Now that’s a role I love to fulfill.

8. How do you feel about the current representation of the childless and/or childfree people in literature?
I am not sure if I have an opinion on this or enough of an overview.

9. What would you like the publishing world to know about non-parents, both as writers and readers and our stories?
That we are many. In the Netherlands, one in five women over 40 have no children and the number is rising. That is the case, too, for many other countries with avid readers. Just imagine that one in five people you run into in the high street has no children and would love to read about people like themselves, publishers!

10. What future plans do you have, especially for your writing?
The book I am currently writing, was not my idea. A friend had it on her list of ideas and when she passed, her husband asked me and another good friend if we would take on the project. Of course, we said yes. Five years onwards, the two of us have become best friends and we’re currently each writing our own book on the wondrous ways of money. But I need to make time to sit. I have no clue how I finished my other books, when I had more to do than I do now. I wrote four in Dutch, translated two into English and wrote Childless Living in English and translated it into Dutch. How did I do it? Well, for one, I had a publisher and a deadline. So the outcome of doing this lovely interview is for me to go talk to publishers or I am afraid this book will not come to fruition. It may be my final one, unless another title drops in and grabs me and shows me, paraphrasing the amazing NoMo Rebecca Solnit, there’s still so much work that love has to do in the world.